


I Like You Better When I'm Wasted

by HPFangirl71



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5sos song lyrics, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Luke, Bottoming from the Top, Boys Kissing, Cake, Closeted Character, Condoms, Denial of Feelings, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Oral Sex, Rimming, Sad Ending, Sobriety, Top Calum, safe sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-04 09:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3062078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFangirl71/pseuds/HPFangirl71
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you're drunk when you have sex with your best friend it doesn't make you gay does it?</p>
<p>But maybe the exchange of sober kisses the next morning are a telltale sign...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not implying in any way that Cake is real. This story is written for entertainment purposes only. It contains explicit boy on boy sex so Do Not Flame Please!! 
> 
> The title is taken from a song by Tiesto called I Like Us Better When We're Wasted. This is written on my phone and is unbeta'd so I apologize for any spelling or grammer flaws.
> 
> This is meant as a oneshot but if it gets kudos and comments perhaps I'll write a sequel but no promises. Enjoy the smut!!

[](http://s156.photobucket.com/user/trekkiedrew/media/FanficCover_zps0b6fc34a.jpg.html)

Calum felt light headed as he stumbled out of the elevator and made his way down the hall. The effects of too much alcohol were prominent within his system. He knew better than to overindulge but this was the only way he could find the courage to do this. His knock was faint against the hotel door and he almost feared Luke might have called it an early night. He swore silently, ready to leave when the blonde finally answered the door.

“Calum, what are you doing here?” Luke questioned, even though they both knew exactly why he was here this late at night. After all, Calum only showed up drunk at Luke’s doorstep with one thing on his mind.

“Can’t a guy come visit his best mate without being interrogated?” Calum replied with a chuckle, his words slightly slurred.

Luke played along with the facade by pulling out two cans of Coke from the mini fridge. Calum took one from his hand and sat himself down upon the couch. Luke had apparently been up watching some old Spongebob rerun and it was still playing on his laptop. Calum feigned interest in the colourful cartoon as Luke sat down beside him, their knees barely a centimeter apart.

They sipped their sodas in silence for awhile and just watched the screen. It was always awkward whenever Calum first showed up but soon they were laughing about something stupid and that’s when he made his move. Their lips touched together in the briefest of kisses and Calum reminded Luke of just how drunk he was to be doing this.

After all, he had to be drunk to want this, right? He had to be pissed out of his mind to be fucking his bandmate. He liked girls, he wasn’t gay… at least that’s what he kept telling himself. No matter how many nights he came here to get his cock sucked it was because of the damn alcohol. It did things to him, things he had no control over.

And Lucas, he was always so willing…

It only took a few kisses on this night before Luke was down upon his knees in front of him. Calum took out his cock and allowed Luke to get him hard. Ignoring the fact that he was half hard just from Luke’s tongue in his mouth. A groan escaped his lips as Luke swallowed down his entire length. The slightly younger boy always looked so obscene with his lips stretched open around Calum’s prick. Calum pressed his fingers into Luke’s blonde hair, silently guiding him up and down on his cock. Luke took every inch without even gagging.

“Fuck, Luke! I wanna be inside you so bad!” 

Calum let the words fall freely from his lips because after all, he was drunk and couldn’t be held accountable for anything he did or said. Luke pulled off of him and climbed up into his lap, letting their mouths slide together in a sloppy yet needy kiss. Calum pushed his hips upward, desperately grinding himself into Luke.

Calum broke away first and with a bit of a wobble he made his way toward the bedroom, beckoning Luke to follow him. Silently Luke obeyed and soon Calum had him lying naked across the bed. Calum pulled his own shirt off and threw it haphazardly onto the floor. He let his gaze wander across Luke’s pale body. His muscles were taut with excitement, blue eyes glazed over with lust, lips swollen from sucking Calum's cock: God how beautiful he was! Luke bit his lip ring and Calum couldn't help but be even more turned on.

He pressed his partially clothed body against Luke’s naked skin. His hands skimming lightly down Luke's sides, along his hip bones and finally across to his perfectly rounded bottom. Calum squeezed both globes of that beautiful ass tightly within his grip and Luke groaned in increased anticipation. 

"God, Luke, you want it so bad don't you baby?" 

Calum got a pleased smile upon his lips as Luke quietly nodded. Luke pulled Calum in closer; lips colliding once again as their tongues explored the wet recesses of one another's mouths. Calum got up and went to one of Luke's bags where the boy always kept lube and condoms. As drunk as he was it only took him minutes to find them.

Calum stumbled his way over to Luke and practically fell on top of him as he climbed back onto the bed. Luke let out an almost girlish giggle before pulling Calum back into his embrace. Calum buried his face in Luke's neck, sucking a red bruise onto his skin. He followed that up with a trail of wet open mouthed kisses down Luke's torso. Luke's hips jutted upward as Calum continued to tease him with his lips and tongue.

"God, Calum, please..." He begged.

Calum gave a self satisfied smirk before continuing lower. He pulled Luke's legs apart and began placing soft kisses along his inner thighs. Luke whined loudly with impatient need and Calum let out a soft chuckle. Calum reached for the lube, opened it and smeared an ample amount on two fingers. He pressed both fingers inside Luke and heard him hiss loudly at being breached so abruptly.

"Slow down, Calum." He complained.

"You're the one who was in a hurry!" Calum replied, laughing at his bandmate.

He then began moving both fingers simultaneously, pressing in deep and angling his fingers in an effort to find Luke's sweet spot. He knew he'd found it when Luke let out a soft mewling cry. Calum pulled his fingers out and added more lube. He pushed three fingers into Luke this time and immediately found the spot again. Luke squirmed beneath him, trying desperately to fuck himself onto Calum's fingers. 

"Fuck...Lukey baby, you want it bad don't ya?" 

Luke whined loudly as Calum continued to work his hole open. When Calum was finally sure that Luke was ready he pulled back. Reaching for a pillow, he placed it beneath Luke's ass to get a better angle. He then slid his own jeans down past his knees and grabbed for the foil wrapped packet to his right. Calum's hands were shaking as he tore open the silver packet. He took a deep breath to calm himself which was hard to do with Luke lying in front of him, naked and ready.

Once he had the condom on, he began kissing and sucking at Luke's neck and collarbone. Luke pulled him in for a kiss, this one softer, more meaningful than the ones before it. Their lips were still attached when Calum began pressing himself inside of Luke. Luke's hips jutted forward, taking him in even further. 

"Calum...fuck...feels so good!" Luke whined breathlessly.

"Fuck yeah..." Calum groaned as Luke's hole tensed around him.

Calum pushed Luke's legs up and pressed in the remaining few inches. It felt so good being inside of Luke. Calum almost regretted being drunk like this, everything would be so hazy and fuzzy in the morning. He hated the thought of losing this moment like so many countless others.

"Move, Calum...please!" Luke begged.

Calum pulled out a few inches and then pressed slowly forward. His thrusts were erratic at first but soon he was moving at a steady pace, Luke's hips moving to match his rhythm. The only sounds in the room were of their skin slapping together and their quiet groans of pleasure. 

It wasn't long before Calum felt himself teetering on the edge. He wrapped Luke's cock within his fist as he jerked him to completion. Luke's spunk spattering across both their bare chests. 

Calum then braced his hands upon the bed at either side of Luke's head as he pounded harder into him. His breath came in a series of pants as he felt his imminent release claim him. He laid his head on Luke's chest as he pulled out and removed the condom, chucking it toward the bin, unsure if he'd even made it in.

They just lay there, both spent. One of Luke's arms was wrapped around Calum's back and he could feel the racing of Luke's heart beneath him. It felt so comfortable and Calum was sure they'd both pass out soon. He nudged Luke gently in the side and heard a grumble escape the almost sleeping boy.

"Can you go get us a towel?" He whispered, indicating the sticky mess across both their chests.

"Why do I have to be the one to get up?" Luke asked him, not even making a move to leave the bed.

"Seriously? It's your mess all over us!" Calum replied, poking Luke harder this time.

Luke didn't seem phased by the playful jab.

"Yeah, but its your fault I made a mess!" Luke said with a grin.

Calum had to give him that one but he was way too drunk and too tired to move. Instead, he resorted to begging. After only a few pleases, Luke finally rolled off the bed. He came back with both a wet and a dry towel. He cleaned Calum up first and then himself, not bothering to put the towels back but instead throwing them into a nearby corner.

"Do you really have to make such a mess?" Calum said with a laugh as he struggled to get his jeans the rest of the way off.

"Says the guy who completely missed the bin!" Luke answered back.

Calum looked over and sure enough he'd missed the bin by a long shot. Good thing he'd tied the condom off or they'd have an even bigger mess. Instead of acknowledging Luke was right he tackled the blonde, pinning him to the mattress and shutting him up with another tongue filled kiss.

They snogged till they were both breathless. Luke then burrowed down into the blankets and Calum slipped beneath them to snuggle with Luke. He wrapped his arms tight around Luke's waist, pulling him close. 

This part wasn't that unusual, it was a banding thing. They all spooned together and it was an accepted thing but for Calum it always felt different with Luke. He'd never known why till that first night. The first time he'd shown up drunk and convinced Luke to have sex with him.

He'd left straight after they did the dirty deed, still drunk and scared as hell. He could barely look his friend in the eyes the next morning. But he'd kept showing up, drunk and horny. Luke never turned him away and eventually he'd buried the guilt away. 

Months into this thing, he'd finally spent his first night with Luke falling asleep in his arms. This time was no different, as Luke's back pressed into his chest and Calum placed one last kiss softly against the top of his head before falling asleep.

The next morning Calum was awoken by Luke's phone ringing. Nickelback were a great band but not first thing in the morning when you had a hangover! 

"Fuck, Luke! Answer that damn thing will ya!" Calum said as he buried his head beneath the pillow.

Luke reached for the phone and immediately slipped out of the bed, leaving the room to take the call. Calum pressed his hand against his forehead, trying to stop the pounding inside. Finally, he resisted the urge to go back to sleep for the even bigger urge to go take a wee. 

While he was in the bathroom he rummaged through Luke's myriad of beauty products to find a bottle of Tylenol. After downing a few pills and a glass of water he still felt like shit but knew he was well on his way to recovery. Splashing a bit of cold water on his face, he felt almost human again and went to go find Luke.

Luke was sat on the couch, saying goodbye to whoever he'd been talking to. He tossed the phone onto the coffee table and walked over to Calum. Calum wrapped his arms around Luke's waist, pulling him close.

"Who was that on the phone?" He asked curiously.

"It was my mum. She forgot where we were so she didn't realize how early it was here, she apologized." Luke replied.

"You didn't tell her I was here did you?" Calum backed away, taking a slightly defensive tone.

Luke looked hurt as he answered back.

"No, of course not! Why would you even think I would?"

"Because you tell her pretty much everything but she doesn't need to know what's going on here."

Calum reached out to pull Luke back into his arms but this time Luke was the one pulling away.

"Just what is going on here?" He whispered.

Calum pushed a hand through his hair and looked away nervously.

"Come on, Luke...you know what's going on here. I just get drunk sometimes...but I'm straight. I'm not gay..."

Luke interrupted his explanation.

"Oh yeah, that's right. You're not the gay one. I am, right...After all, I'm the one who likes to take it up the ass!"

Luke's voice got increasingly louder as he spoke. He sat on the couch, fists clenched tight as he struggled to maintain his composure. 

"Luke baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it sounded." Calum tried reassuring him as he sat down beside him.

"I love you, Calum. I just don't get why you don't love me back."

Luke's words were quiet and they cut Calum to the quick. He loved Luke, more than almost anyone except his family. It just wasn't in the way Luke wanted. At least he didn't think it was.

"Hey, you're being a bit unfair don't you think?" 

Calum whispered softly as he wiped away the one stray tear rolling down Luke's cheek. His fingers continued to trail down Luke's face to his lips. Calum could sense Luke's hesitancy as their mouths touched, soft and slow. Calum pulled back only to whisper "I love you." into Luke's ear. Their lips pressed back together and Luke's hand grasped at the nape of Calum's neck. The intensity of the kiss grew and Calum's tongue swept out to lick at Luke's bottom lip. Luke groaned softly into Calum's mouth and pushed his own tongue inside to chase at Calum's tongue. 

Calum gave into the heat of their snogging, fingers pressing tightly around Luke's hipbone as he climbed into Calum's lap. Luke tasted so good and Calum found himself lost in the other boy's kisses. That's when Luke suddenly shifted his weight, pressing his groin suggestively against Calum's clothed cock. Yet still Calum felt a dangerous twitch from his prick and an all too familiar heat well up inside him. Frightened, he pulled back. Luke looked disappointed.

"I...I...think I should be going." Calum sputtered out, unable to look Luke in the eye.

" You probably should." Luke answered in reply, "After all, wouldn't want you to do anything you're not drunk enough for."

Luke's voice was dripping with sarcasm as he stood up and Calum sensed he was angry again. 

"Luke, please...I'm sorry."

"Cal, you're always sorry."

"Please, Luke, try to understand." Calum pleaded.

"I think I finally do, maybe that's the problem." Luke replied in a sad defeated tone.

Calum felt a sudden ache inside but he didn't bother arguing, instead he just left. And only once the door closed behind him did he let the tears begin to fall...


	2. Sobering Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum makes a valiant effort but will it be enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several people asked for more so here it is and I'm thinking there may be even more where this came from. Thanks for all the kudos and the lovely comments. I really appreciate the support since this is the first 5sos fic I've written. Hope it doesn't disappoint you. Again this chapter contains male on male smut so Please Do Not Flame! Also the ending is still a bit unhappy and I apologize. Also I don't know the layout of the Hemmings house so that's of course entirely made up.

Calum swallowed nervously as he pocketed the foil wrapped packet. He'd never done this sober. In fact a huge part of him still yearned for the few drinks that would make this so much easier. He wanted that liquid courage but knew if he showed up drunk this time he'd be turned away, maybe for good.

Luke was still angry with him, the fight they'd had still fresh in his mind. Ever since that morning they'd both struggled to keep things light between them. Struggled not to let it interfere with the shows. Both of them desperate to keep their bandmates from knowing the truth. After two agonizing weeks of pretending it was okay, they were finally on break from the tour. 

It'd been four days since they'd said goodbye at Sydney airport. Calum had tried every form of apology since they'd gotten home and nothing had worked. Luke avoided his calls and texts, ignored his tweets and snaps. That's when Calum had known what he had to do...but the question was, did he have the courage to do it?

The pale darkness of dusk hid Calum as he made his way up the drive. He could see several lights turned on inside the house and voices echoed off the evening quiet as he slid cautiously past the kitchen window. Luke's room was towards the back and Calum had seen a dim light flickering from within.

He ducked down low just in case Luke wasn't alone. His knuckles rapped softly against the glass to get Luke's attention. He watched as Luke pushed his head out the window to investigate the noise. Calum whispered hey but Luke didn't seem to hear him.

"Hey Luke! Luke its me...Calum!" This time he moved closer and brought his voice up just a bit. Luke turned to look at him and the shock registered on his features.

"What are you doing here?" Lukes voice had an edge of hostility to it as he spoke.

"Throwing rocks at your window at midnight." Calum sang off key in a soft whisper.

Luke tried hard to stifle his laugh but a low chuckle still escaped.

"What is that, an attempt at 5sos cheesy pickup lines?" He said, still grinning.

"Maybe..." Calum shrugged.

"But seriously though, why are you even here?" Luke reiterated.

"Can't a guy just come visit his best friend for no reason?"

"Yeah but Cal, most people use the front door."

"I know but I figured you were still angry at me and besides, isn't this more romantic?" Calum said in a hopeful tone.

"I guess so... Come on, get in here before my mum sees you creeping around and calls the cops!"

Calum grinned as he began hoisted himself up to the windowsill.

"Worried about me getting arrested. Why Lukey, I didn't know you still cared!"

Luke pulled Calum the rest of the way through the window which resulted in both of them crashing to the floor with a loud bang, barely missing a nearby lamp. Calum was on top of Luke as he whispered "I've always cared." 

Calum barely registered the meaning behind those words when he heard Liz hollering to Luke from down the hall.

"Luke, what was that noise? If you're destroying my house young man..."

The threat within her voice was imminent and real. Luke was quick to shove Calum off of him. He opened the door partway as Calum attempted to hide on the bed.

"Sorry mum, I just knocked some books over." Luke stuttered out.

Calum groaned inwardly. Fuck if that boy couldn't lie to save his own life!

"Are you sure? If I didn't know better I'd swear one of the boys were in there and you two were wrestling. Which I might add, I don't approve of in the house." 

Calum could tell she wasn't buying Luke's story but after he promised to be more careful she went back to the front of the house. Luke closed the bedroom door and locked it before climbing onto the bed beside Calum.

"I should probably just go. This was obviously a bad idea." Calum mumbled nervously.

"Mum's not gonna care that you're here." Luke whispered back.

"Yeah, well she certainly wouldn't like my reason for coming here tonite." Calum began climbing off the bed but Luke's hand tight around his wrist stopped him.

"Why did you come here?" He questioned softly.

Calum hesitated, again unsure of his true motives. He only knew that he hadn't liked Luke being angry at him. He hadn't wanted to lose him.

"You were mad at me. I wanted to make it up to you." Calum couldn't look at Luke when he said those words.

"Are you drunk?" Luke asked, a bit too loudly.

Calum pressed his fingers against Luke's lips.

"Ssshhh...no I'm not drunk!"

"Wait! You wanted to do it sober?" 

Luke's voice was quieter as he took in Calum's words.

"You came to me sober..."

Luke's smile was filled with joy as he leaned in to kiss Calum. Calum hesitated before returning the kiss. He was still worried about being caught.

"This isn't a good idea, Luke." He whispered as he broke free of Luke's lips.

"No, its a brilliant idea." Luke said as he pushed Calum down against the mattress.

"Cal, I'm gonna make you feel so good baby. So fucking good..."

Luke's voice was so seductive, his hands unbuttoning Calum's shirt as he kissed him again. This kiss was more demanding, needier and Calum couldn't help but give in. He grasped at Luke's hip as Luke's fingers swept softly across his bared chest.

Luke pulled back to take off his tee and discard it at the end of the bed. He was standing there in nothing but his boxers and Calum felt that familiar want in the pit of his stomach. Why had he denied himself this for so long? There was nothing to be scared of, he didn't need alcohol to do this, did he?

"Luke, you're so beautiful." Calum whispered, awestruck. "I know I've never told you that but its true."

A faint blush colored Luke's cheeks as he felt around for the lube he had hidden in the back of his desk drawer. He crawled back onto the bed and in a matter of minutes they were both naked. Luke swallowed Calum's cock with ease, burying his nose in Calum's dark curls. Calum tried hard to contain himself but a soft cry escaped his lips. It felt so good, Luke sucking and swallowing around his prick. 

After a minute, Luke pulled off but only to tease at the tip with his tongue which made Calum groan again, this time louder. Luke pressed a hand over Calum's mouth as he continued licking up and down Calum's long length.

"Keep being so noisy and we'll get caught for sure." He whispered playfully against Calum's ear as he continued stroking him.

"It feels so fucking good!" Calum whispered back. 

Luke straddled Calums waist as he pressed their lips back together. Calum's hands explored softly down Luke's back, this time eliciting a soft moan from Luke's lips, Calum couldn't help but smile at the muffled noise.

"Hand me the lube." Calum demanded.

Luke handed him the bottle and Calum clicked the cap open. He smeared a tiny bit on one finger before sliding it inside Luke's ass. He went slow, stretching Luke thoroughly each time before adding more lube with a second and third finger. He angled his fingers just right to rub against Luke's prostate. Luke bit down hard upon his own lip to keep from moaning too loudly. He was a beautiful mess and it made Calum's cock twitch with desire.

"Fuck, Luke...! I need this so bad..." 

"Did you bring protection because I couldn't find any in my stash?" Luke asked.

"Yeah there's one in my jeans." 

Calum was ever so grateful he'd thought ahead. He watched as Luke got up and retrieved the condom. Luke handed it off to Calum and his nervousness was apparent as he watched Calum slide it over the head of his cock.

"Baby what is it? What's wrong?" Calum whispered as he reached out to push a loose strand of Luke's blonde hair off his forehead and kissed him softly.

"Nothing..." He whispered quietly, suddenly unable to look Calum in the eyes.

Luke slid himself back onto Calum's lap, not saying a word until he felt Calum's cock nudging against his hole. 

"We've just never gone this far when you were sober. It means a lot to me, Cal." 

Those words froze Calum and looked up into Luke's eyes to read the vulnerability that lay behind them.

"Baby I'm sorry...we should have done this a long time ago." 

Calum swallowed back the emotions he was feeling as he pushed upwards into Luke. They didn't fuck like they usually did. This time was different. This time they took their time. Luke rode his cock slowly as they each eased into their orgasms without feeling rushed. 

This time Calum didn't have to wade through a sea of drunken grogginess. This time was so real that it kind of scared him but he was more afraid of voicing it aloud. Instead he allowed himself to be caught up in the emotion and pleasure of their lovemaking.

Once they were done, Calum clung onto Lucas. He knew he'd have to leave soon but a part of him was desperate to stay wrapped in this moment forever.

"Calum, I love you." Luke whispered to him in the dark.

Calum's voice was trembling as he whispered it back, hugging Luke tightly to his chest. This moment was so perfect. He was glad to be sober so he'd remember it always.

"Things will be so much better now that we can truly be together as a couple." 

And with those damning words, Luke had broken whatever fairy tale magic they'd been swept up by. Yet Calum stayed quiet, unable to burst Luke's happy bubble like he'd just ripped apart Calum's. 

No....That devastation could wait till morning.


	3. Drunk In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum loses the only thing that matters...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is full of angst and very sad...I apologize for that but promise more is still yet to come so bear with me.

Calum couldn’t do it... He wanted to...at least a part of him did.

But he couldn’t be what Luke wanted him to be. Much as he loved Luke, Calum was straight. He’d always dated girls, he couldn’t just show up with a boyfriend now. What would his family and friends think? Calum was afraid to even contemplate such a thing.

Calum hated disappointing Luke like this again but he just couldn’t help himself. A part of him felt guilty and ashamed for loving Luke. He wasn’t even sure why. Maybe that’s why he always needed the alcohol, it was his excuse. That way he didn’t have to feel ashamed of the things he did with Luke. Also he didn’t have to feel guilty for loving Luke, for loving the way Luke was making him feel.

Calum didn’t stay the night… Quietly, he snuck out Luke’s window just as dawn was breaking. He left Luke a note but feared it wouldn't be enough this time. Tears crawled slow and silent down his face as he drove home. He didn’t want to lose Luke but he didn’t know any other way of reconciling these feelings.

Several nights passed before Calum finally had the courage to face Luke again. That courage came in the form of bourbon and several malt beverages. His vision was slightly blurred as he searched through his contacts to find Luke's number. He almost hung up on the second ring but then he heard Luke's groggy voice saying hello.

"Did I wake you?"

Those were the first words he said to him that night, not "I'm sorry." and certainly not "I love you." 

"What the hell do you want, Cal?" Came Luke's answer. 

Calum flinched at the harsh tone of Luke's voice. He knew he'd screwed up but Luke just had to forgive him! 

"Come on baby, don't be mad!" Calum slurred out, tripping on each word as it was pronounced.

"Don't 'baby' me! You left me, Cal! You left me all alone that night..." Luke said, his voice faltering as he struggled to keep it together.

Those words dashed all Calums hopes. He could hear Luke's tears in the soft trembling of his voice.

"I'm sorry..." Calum whispered into the phone, a part of him fearing it might be too late for apologies. He waited impatiently as Luke struggled to regain his composure.

"Please,Lukey. I need you...meet me at my apartment. We'll just talk..." Calum begged.

Something in his voice must have triggered the blonde boys forgiving nature. As Luke gave in, Calum couldn't help but smile. Maybe there was still hope after all...

Calum had just poured himself a fresh drink when Luke arrived an hour later. Luke let himself in but Calum could sense his hesitancy as he stood beside the front door. 

"Luke, you're angry... Baby please..."

Calum's words were cut off my Luke's angry voice.

"What the hell did you expect, Cal? That night meant everything to me! You let me think things would be different between us! So yeah, I'm angry, so fucking angry with you!"

But what Calum saw in Luke's eyes wasn't anger, instead he saw hurt and pain. Guilt overwhelmed him as he took another swig of alcohol. He wanted so badly to take Luke into his arms, kiss him, and make everything okay again. Instead, he felt himself getting defensive

"I never made any promises..." He said quietly.

Luke sat down on the edge of the sofa, a tired look upon his face.

"No, I guess you never did."

Calum stumbled over to sit beside him. Luke just sat there fidgeting with the hem of his flannel shirt as Calum spoke again.

"I'm sorry, Luke. I'm sorry I can't be what you want. I tried, but that night scared the bloody crap out of me. It just felt too real."

As Calum uttered that last sentence, Luke looked up at him, unshed tears glistening in his eyes.

"To me, that night was real...we were real…always were."

His voice was so soft and vulnerable that Calum's first instinct was to reach out for him. What he wasn't prepared for was Luke flinching backward from his touch.

"Baby please..." Calum pleaded.

"I can't do this anymore, Cal." Luke whispered, his bottom lip trembling with emotion. 

"As much as I love you, I just can't..."

Calum cut Luke's words off with a finger pressed to the younger boys lips.

"Ssshhh...don't say it!" He pleaded, tears clouding his eyes. He couldn't lose Luke; not now, not ever. Calum blinked back his tears and kissed Luke's lips hard.

Luke pulled his mouth away. "Not saying it, won't make it any less true, Cal!" He insisted.

"Please, Luke...just let me have tonight, please?" Calum begged, tears now falling freely down his face.

Luke wiped a stray tear away with his fingers and gently kissed Cal's lips. It only took a moment for that kiss to become heated. Calum bit gently down upon Luke's bottom lip and a moan escaped the boy's mouth.

"Fuck, Cal...I told you, I can't do this." Luke groaned as Calum's hands moved toward his hips, pulling him close.

"Just give me one more night, baby! Let this be a proper goodbye." Calum muttered against Luke's neck as he nuzzled into his bare skin. 

Luke's nod was silent as Calum kissed him once again. Their tongues collided and soft barely audible moans escaped them both. Calum felt a tug at the back of his head as Luke kissed him long and hard. He knew this was the end but for now, he could just forget and pretend none of it was happening.

"I love you, Lukey." Calum muttered against Luke's ear.

Luke gave him a pained smile but never uttered the words in return. Instead, he just quietly pulled back to strip away his clothes. Calum fumbled desperately with the zip of his own jeans, only bothering to shove them down far enough to release his cock. Luke handed him a condom that was stuffed away in his wallet and Calum couldn't help but smile. Luke was always prepared. 

Calum was too drunk to go find lube so instead he used his tongue to wet Luke's opening. Calum used his fingers to stretch Luke's muscles and then let the tip of his tongue press back inside him. Luke moaned softly as Calum continued licking and sucking at his hole. The taste of Luke on his tongue made Calum even more desperate to have him. He pressed three fingers in deep, angling them to reach Luke’s prostate. Luke cried out with pleasure as Calum worked him into a frenzy. 

“Fuck, Cal...Please!” Luke begged after a few minutes.

Calum stopped fingering him, only to trace his tongue once again across Luke's skin. Luke whined at the teasing motions but Calum didn't let up for at least several more minutes.

When he was certain Luke couldn't take anymore, he positioned himself between the other boy's thighs. For just a moment he hovered over Luke, their lips ghosting each other’s mouths before finally making contact. Calum pressed in slowly, giving Luke time to adjust to the stretching of his muscles. It’d been days since they’d been together like this and Calum could feel the tight heat of Luke surrounding him. It felt incredible!

“God Luke, you feel so good.” Cal blurted out just as their lips met in another desperate kiss.

Calum’s thrusts were shallow as he clung to Luke, their lips never parting as they moved. Thoughts that this might be their last time together overwhelmed Calum and silent tears streamed down his face. He broke their kissing as a sudden string of emotions coursed through him.

“I need you, Lukey. I need you so bad.”

Calum’s words came out in a broken whisper as he tried holding back his fears. He wanted Luke but at what cost? Instead, he was losing him.

“Its okay, Calum. Everythings gonna be okay, I promise.” Luke whispered back.

He wiped away an escaping tear with the pad of his thumb and kissed Calum softly on the lips. Calum returned the gentle kiss and smiled down at Luke in a reassuring manner. Calum pressed in deeper this time, his fingers tightened around Luke’s hips, pulling him closer. Their next kiss was filthy and dirty, filled with tongue, as Calum fucked Luke harder and harder with each and every stroke, giving himself over to feelings of lust. Luke let out a loud groan and wrapped his legs possessively around Calum’s waist.

They fucked like that for quite awhile. In silence, matching each other thrust for thrust in a rough manner that was only meant to shield them from their pain. In the end, it was just a mask for them to hide within. As soon as they'd both come, the walls came crumbling in upon them both. Calum got up to throw away the condom while Luke used his flannel shirt to wipe away the mess upon his stomach.

Calum returned to the couch, pulling Luke into his arms without a word spoken. Luke pressed his face against Calum's chest and even through his tee, Calum could feel the wetness of his silent tears.

"It doesn't have to end." Calum said, breaking the morbid silence that had descended upon them.

Luke looked up at him, a glimmer of hope flickering his eyes before he shook his head back and forth.

"We can't continue like this. It isn't good for either of us."

His voice was sad but resolute and Calum knew there was no changing his mind. In that moment he realized he'd lost Luke. More than that, he realized he'd lost a chance at happiness and love...


End file.
